omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
