so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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