Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
