Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
