Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
