im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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