I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
