Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You're a waste of cheezeits
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
