Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
