Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
