I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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