hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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