I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
