Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
