In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
