i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
