I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
