Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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