so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
