I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
