No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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