I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
