somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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