Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
