I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
