The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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