life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
