I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
