i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
