omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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