Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
