She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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