Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
