words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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