rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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