There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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