don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
