I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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