Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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