At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
