I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize