I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
