My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
