Pappa wants mamma naked
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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