4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
