with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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