It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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