If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
