you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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