you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
