I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
