yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
