Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
