i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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