You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
