she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
