Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
