can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
