I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
