I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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