he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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