I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
