wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
