he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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